December 29, 2011

Living through Christmas without the one who always brought the celebrations.....

             Christmas traditions have always been important to my family. We started when our children were small to teach about advent. We centered the holidays around the true meaning of Christmas for us, the birth of Jesus. In our home, Sam was the one how kept the excitement going as the kids grew into adolescents and  young adults. He would always pester us about when we were going to decorate? What he was getting? When are we opening gifts? Even when he was in deep depression, he tried to find some energy to drag out the tree and decorate. (I have heard stories this year of how he tried to make others happy this time of year). I know that he always asked me for some money, or help to give things to others. He was always giving away to others. Paintings, things, books, buying for "A friend" who needed a little help, their children, or someone who needed a Christmas. That was just the kind of person Sam was, even when he was barely able to cope, he gave of himself. (He could be surly, angry, and downright mean to some people, and caring to others) this is the dichotomy of Sam as well as mental illness. A friend of his told me a story of their meeting at college. She used to be so Christmas oriented. That year she was depressed and wanted nothing to do with the season. Enter Sam, the Christmas elf. He worked so hard singing her Christmas songs, and even bringing her "Christmas cookies" from the college cafe. She turned them over and they just said, "Sugar cookies". Sam got out his Sharpie pen, " Oh yeah?" wrote "Christmas Cookies" on the wrapper, and grinned his silly crooked grin. He continued all Christmas season as if it was his mission. I am sure he believed it was his mission. That was so Sam! December 2009 was a difficult year for him, but at that moment, it was important to Sam to see that Alex and a few others have a good Christmas.

             He was hospitalized a few weeks later and attempted suicide a month after that in February 2010. Sam was able to reach out to others in the midst of his pain, but seldom able to say how much pain he was in during that time.

If you or someone you know is like this, GET help!
He was in programs, the programs are improving. There IS hope for people with depression, mental illness and suicidal ideas.
http://www.breakfreefromdepression.com/

Our mission is to reduce suicides. To bring awareness to the risks, the trauma that suicides do to the family, the friends and community. We also want to help educate on what can be done to prevent suicides. Finding appropriate treatment IS POSSIBLE>

If Sam only knew how much people REALLY did love him. How much hurt he caused perhaps we could have prevented loosing him.

http://childrenshospital.org/clinicalservices/Site3176/mainpageS3176P0.html

We have been hit by so much ignorance this holiday. We want to educate and help others.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/